it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
be right there i have to get my cape
I have fence marks all over my body
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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