First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
