dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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