So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
