dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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