You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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