A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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