And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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