The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
