why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
