he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
