? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
