Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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