Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
