I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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