Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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