none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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