I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
