I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
