When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
