I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
