you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
