she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
