They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
