Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
