So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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