also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
