What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
