When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
