We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
