Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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