Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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