I wish i was in the wii world.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
