ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
