Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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