I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
