Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I want her autograph on my taint
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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