Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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