I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
