i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
