is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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