we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
