I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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