I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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