He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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