Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
