he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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