wanna go halves on a baby?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
