if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
