I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
