dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
