Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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